Changes

Dear Katja,

Since you were born, I’ve been spending most afternoons with you. While there have been days that were difficult because you seemed inconsolable, we have adjusted to each other. I know, now, that if you just can’t settle, I can put you in the Moby wrap and go for a walk and you are much happier. If you stay asleep past your usual time to eat, I have learned to let you stay asleep and not worry about it, to take the time to get work done around the house.

You will be two months old next week, and I would not trade the time we’ve had together for anything. We will still have weekends, since your papa often works then, but I have to go back to work full-time again pretty soon. It will be a difficult transition for me because I’ve gotten used to spending afternoons with you.

Yesterday we took a nap for an hour. I stretched out on the futon. You slept on my chest, and I had one cat on my shoulder and another draped over my legs. I think that memory will stay with me for a while – the dear weight of you over my heart, the purring cats, the early afternoon light brightening your room, and the sense of complete peace.

There was a point in my life that I thought I would never be a mother. I can’t tell you how happy I am that I was wrong and how incredibly lucky I am to be your mama. I love your dark eyes, your smile, your amazing hair, your toes, the way you grin when we sing “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” to you, and watching you learn about the world. I love that you are so curious and interested, that you are trying so hard to learn how to get places. You are so strong!

You have gotten used to Nyx, and sometimes, when you cry and she comes over to sniff at you, you quiet down and stare at her with big eyes. You aren’t as interested in the cats yet, but they aren’t very interested in you, either, as anything other than a reason for people to be sitting down and making a lap available for them.

I may not be around as much because I do have to go back to work, but you’ll be with your papa (who is quite wonderful with you) and also with a very dear friend of ours, your Grandma Diana. I trust both of them to love you as much as I do, and I will spend as much time with you as I possibly can.

I love you. I look forward to seeing who you become, and I am deeply glad you are in our lives.

Love,

Your Mama

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